The birth story

Wednesday September 5th (my birthday too!) at 958 pm after 19.5 hours of labor, our precious precious daughter joined the world! She weighed 7 lbs, 13 oz and 20 3/4 inches long. She looks just like her daddy but she does have my hands and toes! :)

At 1230 that morning I woke up for my normal trip to the bathroom! As I stood up I realized that my water had broke (or at least I was hoping that was what it was and not that I was peeing myself!) I called Erik to tell him to come home (he was off playing poker with friends) and he arrived in about 2.5 seconds it seemed like! I called my mom too as she was 5 hours away and I figured it was time for her to make the journey home to meet her granddaughter! Erik called L&D for me as I jumped in the shower to let them know we were coming in (I was suppose to come in if my water broke since I was group b strep positive). Once I was done showering he showered, we finished packing and off we went!

At 145 we were sent to triage to check to make sure the water did indeed break. About 10 minutes later we were admitted. I was at 3 cm at that time and I don't quite remember how long it took to get to 4 but it seemed like forever. I just remember the contractions getting A LOT stronger and A LOT closer together. I asked for some pain meds which they gave me and it helped take the edge off. Unfortunately they were only designed to work for an hour and that was all they did! After the pain meds wore off I remember my mom arriving as my contractions were getting stronger. Erik was great in trying to help me breathe through them but they felt so intense and in looking at the monitor, they were completely off the charts. :( I was sweating so badly that finally I had enough and asked for the epidural. I was finally at 4 when they gave it to me. From the time the doctor came in to give me the epidural and by the time he was finished (and I was feeling great), I went from 4 to 7 cm. It took only 20 minutes. About another hour later I was at 9 and they allowed me to try and push to help move the baby down since she was at +1 station and still too high. I pushed a little bit but then they decided to wait until I was at 10 and completely effaced in hopes the baby would make her way down herself. That took maybe 15 minutes to get to 10 and ready to push.

Then the real pushing began. The epidural must have been working because although I could feel the contractions and had the strongest urge in the world to push, the pain wasn't too bad. I remember looking at the monitor to see the contractions completely off the charts and one on top of each other!

So I pushed. I pushed and pushed and pushed. Most people will push for a count of 10 three times during a contraction. I felt the urge to push more than that just to help alleviate the discomfort and found myself usually pushing for a total of 5 times, sometimes 7 during each contraction. I guess it depended on how long the contraction was and how much energy I had during each contraction. Three hours later my doctor told me she'd give me another half hour to see if I had made progress (poor Emily was still at a +1 station) and if not, then I'd have to have a c-section. She said she could use the vacuum but wouldn't even risk it in case Emily got stuck and then we'd have an even bigger problem on our hands. So for that last half hour I gave it all I got. I REALLY wanted a vaginal birth but unfortunately it wasn't meant to be.

I was then told to stop pushing and to wait for the OR so they could take me in. I don't remember how long it was before I was brought in but I do remember everyone complaining it was taking so long. I was so exhausted. I remember family coming in to see me before they wheeled me in and I remember crying because I didn't want a c-section, but that was about it.

I remember being wheeled into the OR and put on the skinniest table known to man. I was shaking A LOT (which is normal) and I remember the sheet being put up in front of my head. I remember them giving me drugs that felt cold in my back and then I remember Erik coming in. I remember my doctor asked if I could feel her touching me and I said no. Then I asked what was going on and the anesthesiologist told me they already started. I was in and out of sleep. I remember staring at Erik who was peeking around the curtain. Finally I remember the doctor saying "we have feet" and Erik stood up and I told him to take pictures - which he did. Next thing I know...I heard her cry. I started bawling too. I told Erik to go take pictures and be with her and he did. I dozed off some and next thing I hear is him bringing her to me. She was so beautiful. So perfect. Her eyes were so blue. She just looked at me and looked around and was so peaceful. Then they had to take her to the nursery, Erik kissed me goodbye and went with her.

They repaired me but I slept through most of it. The next thing I remember is being wheeled out of the OR and my entire family being there. They brought me into recovery and monitored me for a while and then brought me to our room where I finally was able to hold my precious baby.

The rest as they say is history! :) She is obviously home with us now, 2 weeks old and just so adoreable. She has her schedule mixed up so her nights are her days which have been frustrating, but eventually we know they'll even out!

We couldn't be more happy and more in love with this special human being! I now truly understand what they mean when they talk about a parents love! It's awesome! :)

So we had another non-stress test yesterday (NST) and a different doctor came in and said "guess what...we are sending you over to L&D and are going to induce today." I shook my head no and Erik said "no we're not". LOL. The doctor gave us his reasons (baby is term (we know), high blood pressure, could cause complications, it's time, blah blah blah). We gave him our reasons that we REALLY want to go naturally, bp is always fine at home, no major protein, we understand the risks and we are NOT going to take a chance should anything change - but baby is fine (which doc agrees), fluid level is fine, everything with baby is great (which doc agreed), so for now, we are going to try everything (even sex! LOL!) and see if I can just go naturally! He finally agreed, gave us some risk factors and we came home. Mind you, we aren't going to be stupid about this. We will be in L&D in 2.5 seconds if anything changes for the worse. We just don't want to be induced. I want my body to do what it is naturally designed to do. I don't want drugs to force my body to do something it's not ready for. I also don't want to induce because it raises the chances of a c-section. If I am going to need one, I want it to be because my body says so, not because the induction says so. Pitocin sucks (from what I hear) and I just don't want that. We understand that my bp can increase at any time (but for a solid 6 months it hasn't gotten dangerously high, even the new doctor agreed yesterday that I am just borderline everything). So for now I am following directions and doing my bedrest and taking it day by day. The way I feel right now, I wouldn't be surprised if I go naturally in the next day or 2.

We have decided that when I have another NST on Monday (it will be over in L&D since it's a holiday) that if another doctor says "it's time to induce" and the baby hasn't made her debut, then we may just go for it. I will be 40 weeks, 1 day. Yesterday we were told I am in a much better condition to induce and it wouldn't be too bad. I would LOVE for her to come on my birthday (Wednesday) and she still can, but I am thinking it will be the 3rd if we go for it on Monday. We'll see though.

I have been having contractions, some really painful, some braxton hicks. NOTHING too regular. I am learning how to breathe through them better though. You learn in class but you aren't in pain when you do it so you really don't "get it" (or at least I didn't) - so I am getting my practice in. Words can't even describe how great Erik has been helping me through them and getting me mentally ready for this!!! I feel like shit - VERY nauseated and I always feel like I am going to either throw up or have it come out the other way. So far neither has happened THANK GOD! (And aren't you so glad I gave you that info! LOL!)

So that's where we stand. Shooting for Monday...may or may not happen - but we'll see. :) My fears are calming now (still a little scared) and I have moved to the "okay...I can do this, it's gonna hurt, but I can do this" phase. I guess it's normal to be scared as a first time mom - or if it's not...it's definitely scary for me!

So that's where we are. Ticking down the time. If no baby by Tuesday, my friend Val and I are making "start your labor cookies". What a sight that would be if we both went into labor at the same time! LOL!

Will keep you updated as things progress! :)

LOVE YOU ALL! :)

Baby Watch 2007

Just wanted to update you all as to what has been going on!

Went to the doctor yesterday for my 37 week appointment (although it was 37 weeks, 4 days or something). I am 2 cm. dilated and 70% effaced. The doctor even looked a little shocked I was dilated - and poor Erik did too - he couldn't believe it! I know that doesn't mean labor will start soon - women can go for weeks at 2 cm dilated - but I don't think Erik realized that! LOL! I sure was shocked though that I was that far along considering 2 weeks ago I was closed up tight (for lack of better words) and just beginning to thin! And let me tell you...to check your cervix HURT LIKE HELL. She said it hurt so much because the baby is really high still. Last time it didn't hurt like that in fact it didn't hurt AT ALL. But MY GOODNESS!!!! Did it hurt because I was thinned and dilated or what???? The scary part is - that doesn't even come close to what labor will feel like! I bow down to anyone that goes natural when giving childbirth. I have a feeling that the epidural and I will be great friends! :)

I had to do an ultrasound (which I always love) to make sure there was enough fluid and the placenta was good size since my blood pressure is STILL high and my feet are just beyond swollen! Pitting edema is rather disgusting and I hate it! Today my wedding ring even got stuck on for a bit - I finally got it off by pulling with all my might because I was scared it would either be permanently stuck or have to be cut off. I won't be wearing it anymore until after I give birth and I HATE THAT!

I also had to do a non-stress test to check the baby's neurological system. I guess they were checking to make sure her heart beat raised 15 points and then back to normal 2 times in 20 minutes. Well baby was sleeping or resting and it wasn't happening as they liked. So they used a little device that causes vibration on my belly (I feel nothing) and it woke her up. It was actually kinda cute. So then everything was fine after that! I had a few contractions as they were monitoring me. Most I didn't feel but 2 I did. I have been feeling them on and off - so they aren't the real thing yet! :)

Woke up today - well actually last night about 39480328 times - with A LOT of pressure in my pubic area. It is rather uncomfortable! I am assuming the baby is dropping or locking into position or something! What do I know - but I am guessing that is what it is! It is SO uncomfortable and I am sure tylenol isn't going to take the pain away! Had a few more contractions that actually woke me up last night - but again...nothing rhythmic!

So that's pretty much where we are now! I have to have the non-stress tests twice a week from here on out. Next one is Monday morning and the one after that is Thursday - my next appointment. I have a weird feeling I won't be coming home after my next appointment. My doctor is REALLY safe and if my blood pressure is still high I have a feeling I will be induced. Everytime I go I am told I may be prior to performing tests and told if my tests don't come back good I will be induced that day! No wonder my blood pressure is high! But each time they have been okay - so we'll see. I would MUCH MUCH rather she come naturally but if it's safer to have her sooner then that is what we'll do! : )

The doctor today also told me that if my water breaks I have to come in ASAP. I already knew that since I tested positive for Group B Strep. She also told me it's an old wives tale that only 15% of women have their water break - she said most women do. She also said if there is a change in barometric (sp?) pressure - it causes a lot of women's water to break! Who knew! There won't be any changes in barometric pressure the next few days but that was an interesting tidbit. Not sure how true it is but I guess she's a doctor and may know a thing or two!

Anyways - that's my update for today. I can tell we are getting closer! Everything is pretty much ready for her to get here! FINALLY got all the millions of clothes washed and put away - along with the millions of blankets and towels! I seriously must have done 9243580258 loads of laundry! I can't believe I am about to be a mom! It's kinda cool - kinda exciting - and kinda scary all wrapped into one! :)

Anyways - I am off to pee for the 358025830 time and go raise my feet since I haven't been doing it much lately and got in trouble they haven't been high enough!

Hope you are all doing well! :)

This is moving faster than I thought!

So here I am, 34 weeks, 5 days. There has been a lot going on with one baby shower under the belt and then another one again this Sunday! I will be 35 weeks on Sunday and to write that out just freaked me out.

The reason it freaked me out is because 2 weeks after that day...I may be delivering!!!!! I am now on bed rest the remainder of my pregnancy for being borderline pre-eclampsia. I have had consistent high blood pressure and now am having protein in my urine. My doctor said it isn't a matter of IF I get pre-eclampsia - it's a matter or WHEN. She said I am a "walking timebomb" because basically...I can give birth any day now. If I go in next Tuesday and I have the protein in the urine, the high blood pressure and the labs come back with pre-eclampsia - I will give birth immediately. She said she will probably be delivering me early - at 37 weeks if I stay consistent with how I have been (labs have been coming back okay). She said if I get a headache that doesn't go away with Tylenol - to get my butt down to Labor and Delivery for monitoring. She also said that if my blood pressure goes above 140/90 here at home (thank god for Erik being able to take it!) to get my butt down there for monitoring! 2 weeks is not that far away and although I had my brain wrapped around it happening 6 weeks from now...I was NOT ready for it to be this soon! So I am doing my best to rest - and let me tell you...although some people would say bed rest would be great - you lay around all day with your feet up while everyone does everything for you and you don't do anything...it ISN'T fun. I guess I am more of a "go go go" type person than I thought. It's been hard for me to just lay around - and honestly...it's only been a day and a half! Today will be a full day of doing that - minus the class I have to take at the hospital tonight.

I am hoping there isn't a problem with me getting disability either. I was told by disability that it goes back for a year of employment. I haven't been doing my business purely full time for one year - I had 2 part time jobs - so I am PRAYING I will get some money. I am trying not to stress about it - it's not healthy for me OR the beanette - but it's human I suppose!

The nursery is done, I need to order stuff for the breast pump - Erik and I need to PRAY someone will let us in a lamaze class early (they are all booked but we were told possibly on an emergency basis they will squeeze us in) and I just feel there is SO MUCH stuff to do and it's almost impossible to do a lot of it laying on the couch with my feet up!

Erik has been GREAT. I have now gave him the name of "bed rest nazi" but that's just because he really cares about me and the beanette and doesn't want anything bad to happen to either of us. Both of us want the baby to cook in there as long as she can so I really need to just stop being so stubborn and remember WHY I am doing this. It's hard for me to let people do things for me - I am too proud that way - VERY independent - but now I guess it's time for me to learn to lean on people.

I am worried about my business because I planned on being on maternity leave August 20th. Now...the baby may be here before then. I have my friend Trina helping me pack up some crap at the office on Friday and haul it all home so I can get set up here at home for work. I am so grateful for her help. Erik will be on shift and I definitely can't and shouldn't do it by myself. It literally brings tears to my eyes to have to let people help me out - but like I said...I guess this isn't a time to be too proud! My friend Debra said she will let me borrow her laptop which will be a god-send too! That way while sitting around - I can have a better connection with clients and friends that live out of state. There is only so much tv one can watch!

So that's it for now. I need to get in the shower - the landlord is coming today - and then I need to go prop my feet up and lay around! I will check in online throughout the day - but won't be around as much as I usually am. :(

29 weeks

So tomorrow I will be exactly 29 weeks. I CANNOT believe how fast this is going! That means only 11 more weeks left! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My feet have now taken on a new appearance of their own and are usually pretty puffy and swollen. I HATE looking at them when they are in that state and most people will say "Damnnnn" when they see them (when they are at their puffiest!). The heatwave we have been having doesn't help either! Oh the joys of pregnancy! :)

So today I spent 7 wonderful hours in Labor and Delivery. The past three days I have been having EXCRUCIATING pain in my abdomen, by the navel and traveling off to the right. I called the advice nurse I don't know how many times and sometimes put through to L&D and the main thing I was told was "lay on the side that doesn't hurt and take tylenol. It's just ligament pain". At 29 weeks...and this being my first pregnancy...what did I know. All I did know is that is NOT what I personally believed it was - but like I said, this is my first pregnancy, so okay...I'll suffer. But the pain kept getting worse and worse. This morning at about 2am is when it was at its worse. I was doubled over in pain crying. Erik of course is on shift so I was all alone. By 3 it was at an all time high which also caused me to throw up. Again...called Kaiser and was told "take tyelnol and rest". Well hell, if I could rest don't you think I would be! By 6 the pain had NOT subsided so I called them back. Again, "it's probably ligament pain, take tylenol and rest but just to be safe I GUESS we'll send a message to OB and see if they can see you today since they are open until noon". So okay. I forced myself in the shower since I felt gross from sweating so much from the pain and after throwing up...not a nice clean feeling. So by 840, I hadn't heard a word and I called back. This time I was crying on the phone because I was frustrated because I knew it was more than ligament pain, tylenol hadn't worked AT ALL ever, and I had thrown up again. They put me over to L&D and sounded SUPER annoyed but said "fine come on in".

So I felt REALLY stupid for bugging them, got ready and drove down there. It was excruciating walking down the longggggggg corridor over to them to the point when I finally got there and sat down to wait, I was crying. They annoyingly brought me into the room and I was still crying. She asked what was wrong and I said I am just in so much pain. She said okay, go pee and then lie down. So I peed - which by the way hurts REALLYYYYYYYYY bad to do and got in the bed with a lot of pain. She asked if I was having contractions as she was hooking me up to the monitor and I said no. So she went and checked my urine and told me it looked like I was having bladder problems and it was probably a UTI. Then looked at the monitor and said "oh...and you ARE having contractions".

She left and the doctor came in about 10 minutes later. He asked a bunch of questions, saw I was having contractions, and said it's probably a UTI. He asked the nurse to bring me in some stuff to drink so she brought in cranberry juice and water. It was too painful to even sit up and drink it but after they left I pulled myself up and had some. (I didn't want them to see me trying to pull myself up to drink).

So a few hours go by, contractions finally subsided, and the test results came back. No UTI. So the doctor said, let me just feel around. As he's feeling around, I want to smack him because it hurts so bad. He looks at me and his entire face changes and says "wow...this changes everything and the plot thickens". I said "why?" and he said "I think you have appendicitis. Unfortunately I am going to have to give you an exam so I will send the nurse in." I know they had talked about a vaginal exam earlier and I just wanted to clarify so I said "what kind of exam?" and he informs me both vaginal and rectal. OH HELL NO! I said "WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He told me he was sorry but he had to. Oh my god - now I am freaked out - not only do I think it's appendicitis and I am laying there all alone but now he's going to stick his finger up my butt!!! I have never had one before!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So the nurse comes in, helps me get undressed (she had no time for me - she was not the nicest nurse - basically just yanked off my clothes since it hurt too bad for me to pull myself up and start to do it - but they were slammed so I could understand how I am not as high a priority as the women in labor). So the doctor comes in, does his vaginal exam which was uncomfortable but turned up no pain. Then the rectal. Oh hell no! : ( I explained I had never had one before before he started so he explained "when I put my finger in there, bear down like you are going to go poop" I said "what if I do poop!!!!" and he laughed and said "well my finger will be there to stop it!" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So okay fine. He starts the exam, it isn't hurting - other than being BEYOND uncomfortable and he asks "do you feel anything?" and I started laughing and said "only your finger up my ass" which actually got a laugh out of the nurse having a bad day too. So that turned up nothing too.

He left, the lab came in and drew 5 viles of blood and I sat there for another almost 2 hours waiting on the results. Amy came down to bring me something to eat since I hadn't eaten since 5am and then all I had was an english muffin. The doctor finally came back and sat down and shook his head and said "well I was wrong again, your white blood cells are fine". I said "could it REALLY be ligament pain like I was told over the phone?" and he said "well...ligament pain can be very painful but you are 29 weeks so you are pretty far into the pregnancy to have it, plus it's causing contractions". He sat there just beside himself saying he just didn't know what it could be and he'd hate to send me home in this much pain. He then started flipping through his PDA and finally said "by any chance do you have a fibroid?" So I told him I did. He asked where and I said I couldn't remember but I think the left side. He looked stumped again. He said "well, let's just do an ultrasound and rule that out." Okay fine. I FINALLY ate the disgusting grilled cheese sandwich that Amy got from the cafeteria (although it was soggy and gross...it tasted sooooooo good at the same time since I was SO hungry!) I am sooooo glad she came down but also felt dumb being in so much pain and then finding out it isn't appendicitis.

So the doctor comes back with the ultrasound machine. He's feelin' around looking at the baby, showing Amy the heartbeat and looking at the baby's organs. He said all looks healthy with the baby! Then he goes over the spot that hurts and says "oh wow - there's your fibroid". He kept looking and said it is probably dying and not getting enough blood supply and that is why I am in excruciating pain as that can cause a huge amount of pain. He said they can discharge me now as he is convinced that is what it is and I am feeling SO MUCH relief that it isn't appendicitis and that it isn't ligament pain and all I was suppose to do was go home and take tylenol and rest. Granted, that is what he told me to do - but now I know WHY I have this pain. He also prescribed vicodin for me but I really hesitate in taking it because I know it will go to the baby. But if I wake up at 3am again in that much pain, I will take it because that was absolutely horrible!!!! :( I do have to monitor myself and make sure I am not throwing up more or running a fever over 100.4 (I had one of 99.8, then 99.7 and then 99). Since appendicitis is very difficult to diagnose in pregnant women, it could still come back as that (even with the white blood count coming back normal) but I am pretty content in thinking that is not what it is and it's just this disgusting dying tumor! :( I have to follow up with my regular OB on Monday.

So that was my exciting day! I was suppose to celebrate father's day with my dad today but instead spent 7 hours in L&D.

On a brighter note...we did have another 3d/4d done on Thursday but the baby was camera shy and wanted to stay away from us papparazis and held her hand over her face almost the entire time. So we get to go back on Tuesday (if my pain is gone). I don't mind seeing her again - I love seeing her! It appears she is taking on more of Erik's characteristics now whereas at the first 3d she had more of mine. We did get a few VERY quick snapshots when she moved her hand for a brief second, so I am attaching the clearest one here! I am hoping she is all done being shy on Tuesday and we'll get some really good ones! :) So keep your fingers and toes crossed that she cooperates! :)

If you made it this far in the blog, you rock! Thanks for taking the time to read it! Now I am back to bed because the pain sitting here is getting worse. Sigh. Nothing more annoying than having to rest when I don't want to! : (

21 weeks today

So Erik and I went and did the 3d/4d ultrasound to confirm that it is indeed a girl. (I think he was hoping maybe the first ultrasound tech was wrong! LOL!). We were lucky as the lady is giving us TWO ultrasounds for the price of one and as it turns out, her hubby is a Vallejo Firefighter and him and Erik know each other and even go dirt bike riding together! What a small world!! So we did the first ultrasound on Saturday and it was SO surreal! Seeing the baby moving around - with all 5 fingers and toes and even yawning was so wonderful! I could sit there all day long and watch it!

Since she is still young - she appears more distorted in the pictures as there is more fluid to go through to get her image. At one point we thought maybe we had a deformed baby but the tech reassured us that it was just that she was so small still and there is more fluid and such to travel through to get her picture!

It definitely is a girl - and no, no names as of yet! I think we'll get some baby name books to help us decide! We did have one name picked out but as soon as it was confirmed it was a girl...it makes you second guess yourself! So we'll see what we come up with!

During part of the video we have - our cute little daughter looked like she was flipping us off! LOL! Erik said "that must be my daughter!" It was funny!

She is healthy in all regards. All her tests came back wonderfully and as of today, she supposedly weighs one pound! I have gained 13 already! GASP!

Once we got home - Erik went to go study and I watched our DVD of the ultrasound. They had it set to all this mushy baby music and I found myself bawling through the whole thing! I have never felt a love like that before in my life and it was totally surreal! I guess that's the love they talk about between parent and child!

So I don't have much else to write for today! The picture you see is of the 3d/4d ultrasound. You can see her eyes and her nose (and she has my nose!) and she is yawning. Off to the right is her arm and hand that was moving and on the left - partly covering her face is another arm that was moving at the time the picture was taken! I still can't believe I am going to be a mom!!!!!

THE RESULTS ARE IN!!!!

We went for the ultrasound today. Got there right on time but of course had to wait a while. The whole procedure took an hour - and that is something I didn't expect. I also didn't expect them NOT to tell us if the baby was healthy or not. But the tech said she couldn't tell us that - only the doctor. I couldn't see the screen too well but Erik could and Erik said from what he could see - it all looked healthy!

Not quite sure how to feel about finding out the sex. I wanted a girl, Erik wanted a boy. But both of us didn't care either way. In fact, I think I flip flopped every day - one day I wanted a girl and then one day a boy! I guess I just expected some HUGE joy to come over me when we found out- and it didn't. I don't know if it's because THAT part is over and it was kind of fun guessing and having people guess. Now it seems more final - if that makes any sense. Now I have to plan to raise a little girl - and that is kinda scary to know I have to do that for the next 18 years and then some! I wonder if anyone ever feels this way? I was talking to my friend Beth and she was very excited to find out what she was having - but also a little saddened all the guessing was over with too. She said it's normal - but both of us are weirdos so who knows what normal is! LMAO! I think maybe next time...I don't want to find out though!

Anyways - that's my blog for today! I will probably write more on Friday when we find out how healthy the baby is! But for now...I need to relax as this has been an emotional day for me (not just baby stuff...) so that's what I am off to do! :)

My first blog - 20 weeks, 2 days

So I have never really blogged before so this is kinda crazy for me! Not sure what I am suppose to say, but I will just write whatever comes to mind I guess!

Tomorrow we go for our big ultrasound. I am scared to death! I have been guilty of reading things online which probably aren't the healthiest for me to read, but at the same time, I think I should be prepared for all possibilities - good and bad - since I have never been through this before! I have read about women who were 18 weeks pregnant and one that was 19 weeks, 2 days pregnant who went in for their big ultrasound, only to find that there was no heartbeat and the baby had died. I CANNOT imagine how horrible of a thing that must be to go through. I also can't help but worry if that may happen to me. I think I feel the bean moving but have even been questioning myself if that is what it is. I have obviously never been through this before so what if I am thinking that is what I am feeling and it turns out it is just gas?

I am praying for a positive ultrasound in all aspects. Kaiser informed us that they no longer tell you the sex of the baby - UNLESS you get a NICE technician. For the life of me I can't understand why on earth they wouldn't tell someone but they say it's because they can be wrong. Well of course they can be wrong - those things aren't accurate 100% of the time! I guess if they DON'T tell us we'll immediately schedule for the 3d/4d ultrasound and find out that way. We only have 2 weeks to get in and get it done if that is what we'll end up having to do!

Other than that things have been going well. I have been doing chiropractic which I recommend to any and all pregnant women! I started going because of migraines and being pregnant - you can't take anything for them! I was having them every single day. Now, maybe once a week, or once every two weeks or so! Chiropractic is also really helpful as your body expands and hormones take over, the care can keep you in line and as comfortable as can be expected. I know some people think it's a waste of money and I use to just go to make the migraines stop, but I think I'll continue throughout my pregnancy as it seems to help! :)

I've been feeling lonely and isolated from my friends lately but I think that is to be expected, after all their life hasn't changed, mine has. I can't hang out with them the way I use to - with a drink in hand and acting all silly. Now, I am tired by 9 and usually in bed by 9. Even Erik can't believe I go to bed so early now! It's been feeling lonely lately but I am doing my best to connect with the people I feel really care. Sometimes I wish they made more of an effort, but I guess that's just how life works. This life changing experience has put a lot into perspective for me and has made me really evaluate certain things in my life. I think that is a good thing as usually a lot of us don't take the time to really do that - to really figure out what is important to each of us as individuals. I know I am really wishing my friends Jami and Beth didn't live out of state - I can't believe how much I wish they lived here and how much I miss them. We talk every day but I feel a sense of sadness when we are done (we usually IM all day long). But I can't complain, I probably talk to them more than I do other people in my life that live by me - so I really shouldn't complain because we at least have that connection!

So wow. This is my first blog and I have just vomited all my thoughts out. I have had a lot on my mind lately and have been depressed so I guess this is a good outlet for now.

Looking forward to tomorrow and praying all goes well! I keep dreaming of having little girls and last night had a dream the ultrasound (u/s) tech told us it was a girl. I have only dreamt of a little boy one time. I have heard if you dream about a girl - it means you are having a boy. But then...as soon as you hear that...then you hear the opposite! LOL! Doing all the tests - the Chinese sex predictor - the necklace between the fingers - and whatever else there is - have all pointed to a boy! So we shall see tomorrow! I will take a new belly pic tomorrow too! :) By the way - the pic you see - that is 19 weeks preggers!